I’m writing to stay on track. So far I think i have not yet astrayed but I am walking on that fine line between being here and not being here. I do not wish to cross this line and be on the other side nor do i wish to leave this current boat I am already on and settle for another one coming later, for I do not know how far behind I am going to be left out if I did.
It all starts with myself. I really have to start the initial step to change and Allah will help me with the rest.
First things first.
I will have to start with the source of strength, the initiator.. I have to start being more istiqamah in my prayers quran and dzikr.
ألم يأن للاذين آمنوا أن تخشع قلوبهم لذكر الله؟
Next, I need to have specific targets for wach aspect of my life.
1. As a wife – read a short but sweet book on how to be a good muslimah wife
2. As a mother – give more attention to ezzat during out of work times, read short articles on how to build his creativity, thinking and how to instill islamic values before coming back from work.
3. As a doctor – work as hard as i can regardless of the conditions, as i am gibing my service lillahi taala. I have to be proud Allah chose me to become a doctor, to serve my people and become one of the closest people to my people. I should care for them, their health, as care and love leads to marvellous outcome. I should do job undividedly and be happy about it as Allah has given me the brain, the skills and everything that could help me in becoming an excellent doctor. Astaghfirullahal adzim upon my behaviour previously which showed disgratitude towards what Allah had and is still giving me.. May Allah forgive all my wrong doings and turn me into a better person..
4. As a daieyah – i know that this should come first in the list. But as number four it is not the least. The thing is I had not been able to perform my job as a daieyah optimumly for the past few years. It was as if my brain and heart just shutdown for some reason. I need to get back on track, and i have to start easy, settle things one by one then go on full fledge.. My whole life has beend in topsy turvy mode for the past few years I am only glad Allah still preserved my sanity.. Alhamdulillah.. The first step in becoming daeiyah is to become more alert with my surroundings be it my family, friends and my dakwah community. May Allah pour his blessings and help me with this..
Be alert and sensitive, Fatimah!!~
I guess for today this is quite a number of resolutions.. Hermm, i hope to return tomorrow to tell myself I had been able to achieve this and this and this…
Faiza azamta. Fatawakkal ala Allah..